a true story worth reading

so, it is soooooooo cold here in utah - this morning tempertures got down to 2 degrees. well, my little sister was heading out this morning. she has a 2 mo baby so she went out & warmed the car up. she started up the car & walked through the garage - with the large garage door opened & walked in the house to get her stuff (baby, diaper bag, etc). just after she closed the door (the door that goes into the house) she heard a weird noise - like maybe she forgot to put her emergency break on or something. she opened the door & she sees someone peeling out of the driveway IN HER CAR. just that fast! all i can think of is what if her little baby was in the car. i just can't get over how fortunate it was that her baby was still inside. i know i have MANY of times, put one baby in the car & come back in the house to get the other or my bag, water, bottle, something i forgot, etc. i just can't stop thinking about WHAT IF that baby was in the car - chances are the thief did not inspect the inside of the car before they stole it because it was SO fast. so, what would they of done once they realized they had not only stolen a car but a baby too. most likely, they would of abandoned the car. what would of happened to the baby in these freezing temperatures?? just gives me the chills to think at how blessed we are ... even though it sucks they will probably have to get a new car. police say that if it isn't found within 24 hours it is likely that it won't be found. the police also have said that this is happening ALOT! doesn't matter where you live (this happened in a gated community). also, in the car was the house key, the other car's key, the garage door opener - not to mention the christmas presents in the trunk. so just a reminder: PLEASE, don't leave your car running & do NOT put your kids in the car until you are ready to leave. SO SCARY!!!

here is a picture of sommers sweet baby on thanksgiving. she has NO IDEA of how blessed she is.

thankful

this time of year is such a reminder to me all that i have been blessed with. i am so fortunate & thank my heavenly father everyday for the blessings he has granted upon me. however, it has weighed heavy on me this year how much i have to be grateful for. so, so much!!!

i started a gratitude book this year & had everyone in our family write 10 things they are thankful for. it was really neat to see some of the things on their list. of course we all had the common ones like family, food, gospel, friends, home, etc. the list were very interesting and the spelling & handwriting is priceless. i plan on continuing these list every year. it think it will be really neat to go back & review these list as it reflects the person they are at that time in each of their lives. i am thankful for so many things. 

these are 5 of my biggest blessings & what i am most thankful for:

steve

i am always his first priority. he loves me despite my faults. he is a hard worker & willing to do whatever needs to be done. has a great sense of humor & laughs with me.

 

jake

such a great example to his siblings & always follows the rules. i love that he is all boy but also is OK with telling me he loves me & giving me a kiss in front of his friends.

jakes list:

1. nfl & all football

2. the gospel

3. jesus christ

4. god the lord

5. ac

6. food

7. house

8. health

9. mom & dad

10. friends & family

keegan

glad i have a girl to scrapbook, shop & do girl things with. she is a very good helper with the little boys. she is a leader. i love that she loves to organize the pantry, bathroom & drawers.

keegan's list:

1. family

2. parents

3. clothing

4. toothpaste

5. phone

6. lip gloss

7. money

8. gum

9. drugs (note: her medicine for her asthma)

10. shoes

( + 10 more - she couldn't stop at 10 so she had 20 things on her list)

brock

the life of the party & so full of life. so lovable, always hugging, giving kisses & holding my hand. i love that he always runs to me first thing for hugs & to tell me good morning.

brocks lists:

1. dinosaurs

2. mom

3. dad

4. chicken

5. spicy sprite

6. pickles

7. school

8. good monsters

9. coloring

10. abc's

crew

sweet, happy, mellow boy. i love that he sleeps 10 hours at night. i am so grateful he is healthy.

zoe

we knew this day was coming & it did ... last night.

zoe died last night. 

i just can't believe she is gone. we were all outside in the back yard - the wind was blowing & it was a beautiful night. i was taking some pictures, the boys were throwing the football, keegan on the trampoline & zoe. zoe running around with the kids being her normal full of life self. steve had stepped inside to take a call & i went in shortly after to check on some things with work. a few short minutes later, keegan comes in & says she thinks zoe is dead because she is just laying in the grass & not moving. we ran out there & sure enough, she was gone. she was just lying in the grass in her favorite spot - looked so relaxed & normal. steve checked her & could not get a pulse. i lost it. my little girl is gone - that fast. not a single indication - just gone!

steve & i took her to the vet - steve walks in & the gal at the vet saw steve & said OH NO, not ZOE! steve didn't have to say a word. the gals at the vet just LOVE zoe. in fact, when we kennel her they let her sit out front with them  - she has always been everyone's favorite! the vet is almost sure that she had a heart attack. she was just in a month ago for a full check-up & he said, "this dog could not be any better health especially for her age". she had arithtis but other than that - perfect. zoe was perfect in every way.

we left her at the vet & came back home - we had NO idea what we wanted to do with her body. we had not ever really thought about it. steve would really like to bury her in the yard. however, we thought of so many issues with that: she is big, big dog, we would have to build a wood box for her, we would have to get equipment to dig deep in the yard, what about our sprinklers, pipes, do we have to get permit from the city, would animals try to get her, would she smell, when would we have time to do this, etc? we have 1 day until we leave to go to arizona. i think have decided to cremate her & have her ashes put in a urn. we don't know yet if we will bury that in the yard, or sprinkle the ashes in the yard or keegan wants us to put it on the shelf in the office with her picture. so, we're not sure yet what we will do with her ashes but we are thinking that is the direction we will go. we have to call first thing in the morning & let them know what we decided...

we wanted to bring the kids up so they could see zoe one last time. WOW - was that hard. steve & i tried to stay super strong for the kids & allow them to have closure but it was HARD. very hard. jake & keegan are very, very upset. brock is still too young. he kept saying zoe is night night. it was a rough, rough night for all of us but we got through it together.

i can't sleep. i can't stop crying. zoe was the first dog i ever knew. she was with us for almost 11 years. that is a long time. i can't imagine my day without her. she is the sweetest dog with all the spunk in the world. i am going to miss her terribly. my heart is aching. i feel so empty.

i am very grateful that she did not have any pain and that we never had to face making the decision to put her down. she literally was running around the yard & just went to her favorite spot in the grass & fell into deep sleep. i think she knew her time was short. i think she wanted to go with us with her. i think she wanted to play one last time. i think she wanted to lay in the grass with the wind blowing. i think she knew, i couldn't handle it any other way. thank you zoe!

i have so many pictures of zoe. she was our first child :) 

here are pictures i took of her a couple weeks ago:

the only picture i have of her with all 4 kids. wish i had more ...

running around the yard with the kids - she hated my camera. she would never look at me when i have the camera.

this is the last picture of my sweetheart. this picture was taken of her tonight - minutes after she passed. she looks so peaceful. i'll always love you, zoe! thanks for all the wonderful memories!

crew's baby pictures

jolley photography did his pics - they were so patient & great to work with. i will have to say that i was SO embarrassed - crew pooped on every prop they used! he seriously pooped 12x & they did not even act like it was a big deal. i thought they got some great shots. you can go to their blog & see more of the pics they are under the last blog post (newborn baby photographer, utah) ... go here

sleepless nights

crew is still having a hard time sleeping more than 2 hours at a time at night. i feel like i am feeding him constantly but he only eats for a few minutes then falls asleep. the harder i try- it seems like the less he eats/sleeps. it has been a LONG week with steve being out of town. i have been taking him to the DR for weight checks because he is NOT gaining weight. i was referred to a specialist & we realized what the problem was - he is TONGUE TIED! meaning, the membrane that attached the tongue to the bottom of the mouth is very tight- it isn't allowing him to move his tongue up or out, which is necessary to eat. so, i took him in this morning & they clipped that membrane. so, things should get better soon - i hope. it is just a matter of him learning that he can move his tongue & that he needs to move it in order to eat. i can't believe how good he has been considering i have been starving him. i am feeling so bad that it has taken us 3 weeks to realize but glad we got it fixed. that explains my sore nipples- i didn't remember ever being this sore for this long. the specialist said the baby just chomps hoping to get a little milk from the run-off & that process is such trauma to the nipples. especially since i was feeding him every 1-2 hours ... hoping for more sleep SOON!

3 to 4

still trying to adjust. the jump from 3 to 4 kids has been BIG for us! i really did not think it was going to be a big adjustment. steve thinks it is because he (we) are old ... i think it is that we are out numbered! it has been SO fun having a new baby in the house & it has changed our ways. everytime we all go somewhere- we have to add the 3rd seat in the sequoia. such a hassle! we have loaded the kids in the car several times to go to dinner & then decided take-out would be a better alternative. i think once crew gets a little older it will be better - i won't take him to the ballpark & don't really like running errands & kids to activities with him. too much gunk still in the air.
he is a good baby- very mellow & content. he had jaundice so we had to have him under the lights for a couple days & i was feeding him every 2-3 hours. i think he got in the habit of snacking because he wants to eat every 2 hours but not really getting a full feed in before he falls asleep. has not helped with us trying to get sleep at night when he is up & wants to eat every 2 hours. so, we are going to start to work on him going longer at least at night - even if it means middle of the night baths to really wake him up. the joys of getting a baby on a schedule ...
brock has been much better with him- he always want to "help baby crew" and actually he is alot of help! keegan is the "little mom" as we expected her to be. jake has surprised me, he is SO into him. it is good to see his sensitive side come out.
life is good - just trying to adjust. i got some pics so i will post them soon.

crew peyton dredge

born april 15, 2009 12:50 am

7# 14 oz - 19.5 inches

absolutely perfect

i went to my dr appt & dr decided to go ahead & deliver so i headed over to labor & delivery. steve made arrangements for the other 3 kids & headed up. they struggled once again trying to get an IV started (blew more veins).  slow getting started then progressed quickly. i had called for a redose on my epidural but it was too late as he was ready. all can i say is that i appreciate epidurals much more now after this last delivery! we were so anxious to make sure everything was ok with him - they were prepared to put him on oxygen but after delivery they checked him & he was 99%. the only thing they could find wrong with him is that he didn't cry (which really isn't a problem)- not at all! they gave him a few shots, sucked out his guke, did his footprints, bathed him & not a peep. he has such a mellow personality (i know he didn't get that from me :) he looks just like jake & brock when they were born except he has dark hair?!  

the kids could hardly wait to come up to the hospital to see their new baby brother. brock was so excited - but has no idea what all this means. he was so proud to hold him even if it was only for a few seconds. keegan was little miss helper! jake was so sweet & concerned about me. it was fun to see the other kids so excited. i am feeling GREAT! my diabetes was gone immediately after delivery & crew's sugar levels were perfect as well. below are some pics from the hospital. i will post some better ones of crew in the next day or two. thanks to everyone for your thoughts, prayers & acts of kindness - all is appreciated!!!

easter

this year we had several easter egg hunts & we could not decide which one to do SO we did 3. the kids LOVED it & it was super fun. we started out early & it was chilly - we did get rained on during the 2nd one. the last one was at noon & it had cleared up to be a nice day. the kids had a blast & it was fun to see so many people. at one of the hunts, they had tickets in plastic eggs & they gave away larger prizes. brock won a new big wheel- he was thrilled (but still liked his candy more?!) easter bunny found us again this year & left his usual goodies. sorry no pics of the kids in their new easter clothes-  still too cold here. we had a nice day at church today then cooked a yummy dinner & had family over then played games. we had a great easter but now i am ready to relax some!!

another baby update

long story short - no baby yet but everything is OK.....

so , i went to my dr appt at 9am & had my routine testing done - dr sent me over to labor & delivery. apparently on the non stress test in the office, it showed consistent contractions & the baby was not reacting very well. dr wanted to deliver BUT his lungs are still not mature - so weird. they know that gestational diabetes slows down the development of the lungs but this is getting ridiculous. questioning my actual due date? but baby is measuring right on with the due date so not sure?! anyways, once they realized his lungs were not mature - they did not want to deliver. i am glad - better safe than sorry! there is the option of giving me steroids & they would mature his lungs BUT dr doesn't like to intervene with steriods on diabetics unless there is no other option. so, i spent 9 HOURS in labor & delivery then they were comfortable sending me home. my contractions were regular & baby was not reacting well but finally felt like he was doing well. it was a long day & not knowing what was happening was the worst part. i am retaining ALOT of water- in fact, when they went to put a IV in, they couldn't- i guess so much fluid between my skin & veins. 4 different people tried & they blew 5 veins (my hands/arms look horrible today). so, YES i am ready to have this little guy but at the same time i want to make sure he is perfectly healthy. not sure WHEN at his point, they will just continue to keep a close eye on me/baby. we have kinda a crazy easter weekend ahead of us but plan to rest as much as possible as it seems to help with the contractions. so, that's  the scoop... hope the next update is one with pictures of this little guy with nothing but good news. 

mixed feelings

i am having some mixed feelings about this baby...

i am VERY excited to be having another baby boy join our family but at the same time i am feeling a little, ok ALOT of guilt.

guilty in the sense that i am not sure i could love this baby as much as i love my "baby" brock.

and.

gulity in the sense that i will be unable to show brock the attention he has always gotten from me. i will truly miss not being able to spend so much time with him.

with the kids back in school & us not traveling much these past 5 months, i have been able to spend alot of time with just brock. i can't explain what a amazing boy he is & how much i love him. don't get me wrong - i LOVE my older 2 kids just as much as brock but it is different as they are older. i think having jake & keegan a year apart was so overwhelming for me - i was starting a business & steve was traveling 20 days out of the month. by the time brock joined our family - our situation was MUCH different. i have enjoyed every second with him & simply can't get enough of him. he rules our house & everyone is OK with that. so, what's gonna happen when this new baby boy arrives- how is he going to change our family? how will brock handle it? how will mom handle it? i am a little concerned ... 

i know everything will work out & be OK - just feeling guilty & worried but also very excited!

april fools day

look what i woke up to this morning .... yes, it is april but SNOW like this is suppose to happen in december NOT april. not only did i wake up to several inches of snow but i woke up to my house being up for sale. not only did the prankster put this sign in my yard but also OPEN HOUSE signs in the neighborhood. So, i have been handling phone calls all morning from neighbors. i am so glad the phone number on the sign is NOT my number & also so very glad that the open house sign does not have a day/time! gotta love aprils fool!

baby update

so, here is the update on the little dredge... his lungs are not fully developed yet, he is doing well & they estimate that is over 7#. one of the pics they took of this ultrasound - his hair was sticking straight up all over - shocker! a definite sign of a dredge boy! they got a good close up of his face & he has chubby cheeks -none of my kids have had chubby cheeks when they were born. hopefully, they are chubby & not just that his face was all smushed up.

i am doing better- they added another insulin to my routine of shots about 2 weeks ago & it has done a good job of keeping my resting glucose levels where they need to be. i am retaining alot of water (shocker) & the dr has decided NOT to weigh me anymore (as i have gained 10# a week for the past 3 weeks - SUCK!). my belly is HUGE but i am NOT ready to have this baby YET! i have a lot going on with the business right now & need some time to wrap things up.

my actual due date is 4/18 but the dr will induce me before because of my gestational diabetes. dr wanted to schedule me for monday 30th but i have asked if i can hold out until monday 6th. weird for someone to ask not to be induced early ... let me explain: steve goes to st.louis for a show on the 1st. i would literally be dropped off from the hopstial at home & then he would head out of town - leaving me with 4 kids at home all day for 4 days - YIKES. the kids are off track so i know they would help me but i am thinking 4 days of all being at home doesn't sound like something i am ready for after just having a baby & without steve's help. 

*EDIT: so, my dr reviewed my situation with the specialist i have been seeing & he suggested since things were looking so good with me & baby that there is no reason to schedule induction at this time - YEAH!! they will just keep close tabs on me & see how it goes. i am determined to be on my best behavior :) 

if i had $100

for an assignment at school, jake had to write what he would do if he had $100. i thought it was so sweet. even though jake is all boy, he has a sensitive side to him which i LOVE.

happy valentines day!

i know, it has been FOREVER since i have blogged ... been very busy with alot going on. i will blog more in the next couple days. But, i wanted to wish everyone a very HAPPY DAY!

things i love

i designed a things i love mini album & thought i'd do it for steve for v-day. i am pretty good about giving him a scrapbook project for father's day, christmas, v-day, etc. i know he likes them but i like it more when i can get 2 things crossed off my list of todo's :) this album is one of our Kit of the Month projects for February. this album was so much fun - i want to do a things i love about myself & put random things i like in it. i also want to do one on the kids as i know the things they love today will be totally different as they get older. 

hawaii

after spending a day in the freezing snow & a night out last saturday, i came home & at midnight got online just surfing the internet. i was in need of WARM weather. the only place that had warm weather & we did not need passports was HAWAII. so i look at options to see if we could squeeze in a trip before the kids went back to school. by this time it was 2am & steve was snoozing - i asked him if we should take the kids to hawaii. he mumbled, that's fine. i explained that we would have to leave in 3 days & we could stay for a week. he said, sounds good. so i booked it. then, i scurred around for the next couple days to get things ready here so we could leave for a week then was busy getting new swimsuits & summer clothes & haircuts, etc. the kids were super about helping get everything done so we could go on such short notice.

we were all excited & started our journey. it was a different hawaii vacation - not the relaxing vacation you would expect but we had a BLAST! there was not to much relaxing with 3 kids in tow but we did alot of activites with the kids. the kids loved everything about hawaii. they did not want to come home: jake asked if we could miss our flight so we could stay longer & keegan asked me why i didn't buy a one-way ticket (i was kinda thinking the same thing). brock this morning asked if we could go to the beach when i said NO he asked about the pool when i said NO he then asked about the ocean... he LOVED the beach (the other kids did too but he was cuter about it). he had his sand shovels & bucket & in the pic below you will notice that he is ANAL - he would line up his shovels then using his hand fill the shovels up with sand then take the shovels one by one & dump them into the bucket. this is how he filled the bucket to make a sandcastle. he had a ball!

we would go to dinner downtown waikki & then walk the strip. the kids LOVED all the people on the streets (painters, breakdancers, mimes, magicans, hula girls, even elmo) . keegan  asked every night if we could go to the "activites" on the streets & wondered why we didn't have activites like that in utah. needless to say, we spent many dollars on these "activites" that fully entertained the kids. 

i must admit that i did not take very many pics AT ALL. to be quite honest, i just did not want to hassle with it. i was just more into enjoying the moment rather than trying to capture everything on camera. now that i am home, i do regret it BUT there will always be a next time.

i knew there were lots of things that i'd like to do with the kids in hawaii that we would not be able to do on this trip because of my current condition (surf the big waves on north shore, hike sacred falls, diamond head, etc.) but i was OK with that - i just really wanted some SUN & thought with the kids out of school WHY NOT. It isn't like you can only go on a family vacation to hawaii one time - so i am sure in the future (when the kids are older & i am not prego) we will go again & can do the things we did not do this trip.

i did not feel so pregnant until this trip. it wasn't until i held brock on the plane to get him to sleep & it was then that it hit me how hard it was holding him in my lap with my big belly in such a small space for such a long time. then, when i put on a swimsuit i realized that i am HUGE. then when i was snorkling with jake- we were far out & had to come in, i had to pull him back to the shore, i then realized that i was 7+ months prego & that was a little more than what i bargained for. several times on the trip, i thought ... am i crazy for doing this in my current condition? sometimes i just forget that my body is not the same when i am pregnant.

schedule change

the kids have been out of school for 3 weeks & will be out until the end of january (YEAH!). with that, we decided it would be best to adjust sleeping schedules to staying up later & sleeping in. it was an easy adjustment for the older kids & brock after a couple days followed suite. BUT zoe (our spoiled rotten dog) still has not adjusted. it is not right that SHE is the one waking us up in the mornings because she wants to eat. it is ridiculous that i have to get out of my warm bed & care for her when my other 3 kids are sound asleep. good thing i love her as much as i do or she would starve.

insulin baby

i was hoping to avoid this ordeal with this pregnancy but no such luck. went to the DR & was already spilling glucose. i guess once you have gestational diabetes once you are likely to have it again & it tends to come on sooner & worse. after 3 days of trying to baseline my glucose levels - i think we have it under control. i am on insulin shots & testing my levels 5-7 times a day. all i can think about is how awful this is & how lucky i am to ONLY have to deal with it while pregnant. i feel for those who have diabetes & have to deal with it ALL the time. it is horrible. so, just something i am going to have to monitor carefully until this baby is born. anyways, baby looks great so that is al that matters. brock was an insulin baby & look how perfect he turned out!

the other thing that makes this bad is that it effects my due date. for some, that is no big deal but for me - this baby in on MY schedule for a specific DATE & that will be changed. i won't know until it gets closer (DR says anywhere between 1-6 weeks early). i have commitments & travel plans that can NOT be changed. i sure hope that steve is in town when i have this baby. not sure i can wait on him again (i went into labor with keegan 3 weeks early & steve was in new zealand. he got on a flight & made it to the hospital & within 5 minutes keegan was born. i insisted on waiting for him but it was VERY stressful for me, him & baby keegan).

buSy!

kids still out of school + trying to get things done = bUsY!

i can't believe it is friday - i had so many things to get done this week that today i started the day in panic-mode because i hadn't gotten much done all week. then, some friends called & we decided to bundle the kids up & go over to their "farm" to go sledding (behind 4wheelers- the best way to sled :). we had a super fun day. jake & keegan LOVED being pulled really fast. sam got the tractor out & made snow jumps. brock did not love the sledding after a few minutes but liked riding in the tractor & as long as he had hot chocolate in his cup & a cookie in his hand he was very happy! (note the pic below when he fell & was so upset he dropped his cookie in the snow)

so... another day that things won't get done but sure was a FUN. here's a quote i like:

"god put me on earth to accomplish a certain amount of things- right now the list is so long that there is no way i could possibly die!"

5

just finished a book & recommend it to EVERYONE! it is by compendium & titled 5. you can see it here



it is not just a book of quotes/inspriational thoughts but a thought provoking book - not a here's HOW & WHAT to do book but a WHY NOT book. basically it is: what do you want to do with the next 5 years of your life? here is a little exert from the intro: “…This is your life, your one-and-only-life, and you don’t want to miss any part of it. So, what is it going to be? you decide. Starting today, you can make the next five years the most exciting, satisfying, productive and amazing year of your life so far- or just another five years”. one could read it in about a hour or two BUT i have read & reread over it several times & pondering it these last couple of weeks. it is in workbook style so you write in it (but i haven't dared write in it yet ... step 2) HA!

hello 2009

christmas has come & gone & so has another year! i am having a hard time closing out 2008 - it was such a great year! as i reflect back on 2008, i just am happy with where i am & all those positive memories. when i contemplated my "goals" i had set for 2008- it was humbling to me that there were many things i had planned & set out to accomplish that i did no get around to doing. i had high expectations & hefty improvements i wanted to make in some areas. YES, i wish those things were done BUT i can't say i am disappointed as i had a great year & today is a new day. there is so much we desire in life & only so much time we have in a day that i think it is easy to become a slave to ourselves & not enjoy the process. i will try harder to turn some of my desires into reality in 2009 but more than anything i want to truly enjoy the process. let's all make 2009 the BEST!