we knew this day was coming & it did ... last night.
zoe died last night.
i just can't believe she is gone. we were all outside in the back yard - the wind was blowing & it was a beautiful night. i was taking some pictures, the boys were throwing the football, keegan on the trampoline & zoe. zoe running around with the kids being her normal full of life self. steve had stepped inside to take a call & i went in shortly after to check on some things with work. a few short minutes later, keegan comes in & says she thinks zoe is dead because she is just laying in the grass & not moving. we ran out there & sure enough, she was gone. she was just lying in the grass in her favorite spot - looked so relaxed & normal. steve checked her & could not get a pulse. i lost it. my little girl is gone - that fast. not a single indication - just gone!
steve & i took her to the vet - steve walks in & the gal at the vet saw steve & said OH NO, not ZOE! steve didn't have to say a word. the gals at the vet just LOVE zoe. in fact, when we kennel her they let her sit out front with them - she has always been everyone's favorite! the vet is almost sure that she had a heart attack. she was just in a month ago for a full check-up & he said, "this dog could not be any better health especially for her age". she had arithtis but other than that - perfect. zoe was perfect in every way.
we left her at the vet & came back home - we had NO idea what we wanted to do with her body. we had not ever really thought about it. steve would really like to bury her in the yard. however, we thought of so many issues with that: she is big, big dog, we would have to build a wood box for her, we would have to get equipment to dig deep in the yard, what about our sprinklers, pipes, do we have to get permit from the city, would animals try to get her, would she smell, when would we have time to do this, etc? we have 1 day until we leave to go to arizona. i think have decided to cremate her & have her ashes put in a urn. we don't know yet if we will bury that in the yard, or sprinkle the ashes in the yard or keegan wants us to put it on the shelf in the office with her picture. so, we're not sure yet what we will do with her ashes but we are thinking that is the direction we will go. we have to call first thing in the morning & let them know what we decided...
we wanted to bring the kids up so they could see zoe one last time. WOW - was that hard. steve & i tried to stay super strong for the kids & allow them to have closure but it was HARD. very hard. jake & keegan are very, very upset. brock is still too young. he kept saying zoe is night night. it was a rough, rough night for all of us but we got through it together.
i can't sleep. i can't stop crying. zoe was the first dog i ever knew. she was with us for almost 11 years. that is a long time. i can't imagine my day without her. she is the sweetest dog with all the spunk in the world. i am going to miss her terribly. my heart is aching. i feel so empty.
i am very grateful that she did not have any pain and that we never had to face making the decision to put her down. she literally was running around the yard & just went to her favorite spot in the grass & fell into deep sleep. i think she knew her time was short. i think she wanted to go with us with her. i think she wanted to play one last time. i think she wanted to lay in the grass with the wind blowing. i think she knew, i couldn't handle it any other way. thank you zoe!
i have so many pictures of zoe. she was our first child :)
here are pictures i took of her a couple weeks ago:
the only picture i have of her with all 4 kids. wish i had more ...
running around the yard with the kids - she hated my camera. she would never look at me when i have the camera.
this is the last picture of my sweetheart. this picture was taken of her tonight - minutes after she passed. she looks so peaceful. i'll always love you, zoe! thanks for all the wonderful memories!
